On Monday, PP put out some news, which you can find here. This is the KnightsMachine take on the things we saw in that update, raw and unfiltered, because we can't be bothered to do a podcast on it. Enjoy!
New Shipping Arrangements
Ben: Good, fine. The thing I take issue with here is the following little line: “We will always encourage you to buy from and order through your local game store”. And yet BAHI exists. Curious.
Stephanie: There was a VAT-related thing on Discord that didn't make it into the announcement, and honestly as a Brit it's pretty exciting. No longer will I worry about a repeat of the '£170 for Una2' incident. A little too much pay there, but (as this was pre-nerf) a good amount of associated win. Overall, tax news, up good.
Slaughterhouse Model Release
Paul: The mini itself is pretty cool. Not a fan of Gremlin booty and I'd like to see teeth, but overall, it’s pretty neat. It’s nice to see some fluff about it too. Knowing some stuff about the minis you’re using goes a long way to help bond with them past “has good rules”.
Stephanie: They're minis, not Pokémon. I do love the lore for this thing though. 'Unspeakable acts of cruelty' is open to interpretation. You could torture someone with, like, bad K-Pop, and a Slaughterhouse that just bops around posting sparkly gifs of boyband dances would be born. I will write an IKRPG one-shot exploiting this, and it will be glorious.
Slaughterhouse Rules (underrated movie -Ed)
Ben: Oh boy. So, here’s the thing. It sucks shit. And before you start @ing me “but its pow 21” or “muh MAT buff”, I want you to think about what this model actually looks like on the table. It’s slow, in a Faction with mediocre-bad threat extension. It has a single, easily blockable gun with Drag (that’s only RAT5, so Ancillary Attack isn’t looking good either). It’s only repairable with Sacrifice or a very situational self-repair. It’s not threatening. In Bump in the Night it's slow and not tanky enough for 2021. In Dark Menagerie it’s slow and just gets ignored. It’s kiteable, poses little ranged threat and is absorbing a very large amount of points in a Faction that already runs medium-low model count because of a high price point on all the good models. You’re giving up so much for a model that can just be ignored. They couldn’t have stretched to Reload: 1? Or 3" melee range on the arms? Or some more cool, thematic Gremlin based rules? If it weren’t for the Woldwrath, I think this thing might genuinely be worst in class. If it weren’t for the Frightmare, it might be the worst model in Grymkin. Good lord.
Paul: Yikes. Poor Slaughterhouse. Honestly, just ditch the S. The whole design philosophy seems to be that it pulls things in to eat them which would be fine were there not so many pull immune things in the meta at the moment. Other Gargossals, the huge amount of Battle Engines, 5/6 scenarios with the Dugout Objective, Initiates, etc etc. I feel that actually charging in, Dragging a model in and knocking your door against it till it dies isn’t something you’re going to get as often as you’d like. Then we move onto the gun. A Drag gun just isn’t good. It has a high potential upside but again, see all the anti-Drag models, plus add in all the Shield Guards in the meta (Even lists without 9 tend to run at least 1 if they can and it’s not like there’s any other important shots in Grymkin that can be Shield Guarded). It’s a pretty big disappointment. There is a potential for a pretty stonking Sacrifice here but overall I don’t think it balances out the poor rules on this model. When you could take two Clockatrices and a Defiled Archon (with a point to spare), I have to ask the question; why would you ever bring this house idiot to a tournament?
Stephanie: The Slaughterhouse perfectly encapsulates my experience of buying a house. It looks pretty on the outside. You pay a load of points for it. You try actually living with it, and everything fails within the first week. Then you try and sell it to end your misery, and end up taking a huge loss. I'd like us to be wrong about this model. But I don't think we are.
Battlebox 'Caster Resculpt Release
Ben: Some of these resculpts look pretty sweet. Agathia and Kryssa both got HUGE upgrades, as did Maddox. I’m curious why the old Ragnor (a model i actually love) has been replaced with this Trollkin Runeshaper proxy, and why Xekaar has been obliged to keep his stupid pose and his whip-dick arms. Helynna just looks like a young Rahn, too, which is odd, and Tanith has been to the Wayfarer School of Weird Arm Poses.
Paul: Some average, like Agathia, Helynna, and Kozlov (who looks a bit like a shady bloke outside the pub). Some I don't like; Ragnor is a downgrade, in my opinion; he looks like he's telling kids to get off his lawn, and Xekaar is still an inflatable tube man. The rest, though? I like. Malekus is much more dynamic, even if he might get in trouble for standing on those books. Kryssa already looked good but this one hits different, much more regal. Maddox wins 'most improved'; her sword Tempest looks like a fucking beast. Tanith now looks suitably spellcaster-y.
Stephanie: I actually like them all. Even Xekaar, because that sculpt has abandoned all pretence at dignity and has embraced the Noodl. Hell, it even looks like a love heart. Hopefully we get to see studio painted versions soon, because I feel like they'll look pretty good.